There is something about Allison I have never mentioned here. I just felt like it was too personal and wanted to protect Allison's privacy. But now I feel like maybe it's not so personal, and I would love to connect with other bloggers in similar situations. I hope that maybe I can encourage someone when they need it, and someone can encourage me when I need it. :-) I would also love to be able to talk about Allison's accomplishments here. So here goes:
Allison has a severe speech delay. She sees a speech therapist every other week, and on the opposite weeks she sees an occupational therapist. The latter is for some sensory issues and fine motor delays that she originally had. She has almost fully "recovered" from those delays now, but she is still behind in many ways, so she still sees the OT. Her therapists have mentioned the possibility that she has
verbal apraxia but she is too young to be diagnosed yet. (Some children her age can be diagnosed already, but due to various reasons it is too soon to say Allison has this.)
I wanted to discuss "what not to say" when talking to someone whose child has a disability. If you have said any of these things to me, I am not upset with you. :-) I'm sure I have made MANY "open mouth, insert foot" comments to people going through various issues. When you've never gone through something yourself, sometimes it's hard to know what to say and what not to say.
When I tell someone that Allison has a speech delay, the most common response is:
"Oh, my (son/daughter, niece/nephew, neighbor, friend's child) didn't say a word until she was 3 and then one day she just started talking in complete sentences! Don't worry, ALLISON WILL BE FINE!"
Especially if I just shared that I was discouraged, that response is *not* helpful. First of all, it is dismissive of my feelings at the time. Second, just because said child eventually talked, that doesn't mean that my child will. Or she may, she may be fine in the end, but it may takes years of therapy to get to that point. Just please don't tell me stories of children who were "fine" in the end. It may seem like it would be encouraging, but it's really not, because again there is no guarantee my child will end up the same as the child you are talking about. Not every child with speech issues has a speech "delay". Sometimes, as possibly in Allison's case, they have a speech "disorder" and it's not a simple "fix" or not just a matter of time.
I'm not sure how I feel about this next one. I can't count how many times people have said to me, again "my son/daughter, niece/nephew, etc." wasn't talking by age 3 and someone asked me, "well have you had his/her hearing checked? My son/daughter, etc. wasn't talking and we finally had his/her hearing checked and lo and behold, he/she couldn't hear! They cleaned out her ears and now he/she talks great!" I'm sure there are many people whom it would help to bring this up, but I think *usually* if someone has been dealing with a problem for any length of time, they will have researched that subject to death and there's not much new information you can tell them. So anyway, YES, we had Allison's hearing checked shortly after she started therapy and her hearing is fine.
Another thing that drives me crazy, is when people say "Well Lindsey talks so much, she probably just does all the talking for Allison." That is just not the case here.
Or, "well she didn't hear any English for her first year of life, that's probably why she isn't talking". Lindsey didn't hear any English for her first year of life either and she had no speech issues. She started talking within a month of coming home. There are also many children adopted from China who were over a year at adoption who talk just fine. This may have something to do with a child not talking at first, but we've been home with Allison now for over a year and a half. This is not the problem.
***************
All that said, Allison is making GREAT progress lately! She is up to about 25+ words and seems to learn a new word and/or sign almost every other day. Now I know for a typical 2.5 year old, 25 words is not much. Both Ben and Lindsey were talking in complete and sophisticated sentences at Allison's age. But considering that at Allison's 6 month follow-up meeting in January she had only 1 or 2 words, this is big. Her receptive speech gets better and better all the time too. When she first started speech therapy late last summer, she really didn't have a clue about much of what you told her or asked her to do. Now she responds properly and quickly to most things you ask of her.
Here are some of Allison's words: Mommy, Daddy, more, off, read, open, water, ball, bye, please, hi, oww, yes, eyes, potty, walk, brush, juice, baby, wash, push, shoes (she says "eh-shoe", sounds like a sneeze!), socks, uh-oh, and eat. And some of the signs she knows: more, eat, open, milk, brush, potty, drink, shoe, book, read, please, shoes, bike.
One thing about Allison's speech delay, is that every new word is such a triumph! I get so excited about every new development. It's very rewarding. Allison has such a sweet personality (although she sure can stomp her foot when she's mad, it's actually pretty comical!). She's a very happy little girl and cute as a button. She makes me laugh, and drives me nuts. LOL She is SO into everything, gets into the same things over and over and over and over until you think it's never going to end (is it???). She's been such a joy and I am very thankful she's my daughter!
At a park in Kunming - my sister Ginny holding Lindsey, me and Allison, and our guide, Helen
